It seems like in this day and age, dating has so many prerequisites, rules and regulations. The art of getting to know one another has essentially become a business about sex vs money. How many dates = sex? Who pays for the dates? How long should a man wait before he spends money on a woman? Is there a price on the pussy? And the list goes on.
Recently on my Facebook and Instagram page, I put up a question that caused quite a stir. The status was actually a picture of a man and a woman on a date and it was captioned, “She asked him out so who pays?” Before I even posted my own thoughts I waited to see what other people thought and it was funny because more women said that she should and most men said he should. Or more so, not that she should pay but she should motion or make an effort to pay and if the date is going well, then he should.
My opinion can go either way. In a world where “chivalry is dead,” and every woman wants to be treated the same as men and like “independent women” then of course it would only make sense that whomever asks for the date, should pay for the date. But on the flip side, in a more traditional sense, where women are to be treated like Queens and men are supposed to be these chivalrous creatures that holds doors, pulls out seats, put their jackets down over puddles, then the man should pay. But in my opinion, if that is the case and we’re being so super traditional, then a woman wouldn’t be asking a man on a date anyway. One woman on my status made it clear that she’s not asking for dates or paying for them either.
For me, I’m not typically the initiator when it comes to a man I’m interested in. I may flirt and try to get a gauge on his interest and eventually wait until he approaches me or tell a mutual friend to set it up, but I can’t think of a time when I boldly asked a man if I could call him sometime or if I could take him out. I personally feel like, how a relationship or courtship starts out, that sets the tone on how it’s going to pan out. There was a situation I was in where I was interested in a guy whom I had met a few times through a mutual friend. Being that I was the initiator, the situation didn’t really go anywhere. I personally think, if a man is not one to initiate the situation then he is either not that interested or too shy for a woman like myself.
Getting back on track though, I don’t have an issue with paying but honestly it’s not typically the first or second date. If there’s a third date then we can assume that both parties are interested so at this point, I have no problem treating. A lot of men said they don’t mind paying but they want to see her mindset and if she would pay and it means a lot to them just knowing she doesn’t mind.
Another man said it depends on how she asked; if she more so suggested, that’s different than asking “can I take you out.” I like his way of thinking (lol). If I want to go out (and honestly don’t want to pay), I may take the suggestion route; “we should eat there one day…this weekend….today…what you think?” “I would really like to go there…that’s a good date spot,” etc. At that point it puts the ball in his court to say “Okay, come on.”
There was another post mentioned in my SATQC forum that related to this that stated; “Females, would you date a man that made you wait 90 days before he spent money on you.”
First of all, I would want to know what is the reasoning behind this? Are you testing me to see if I offer to take you first? Do you plan on dating me? And if so, what are we going to do? At some point within those three months of getting to know one another, I’m sure we’re going to plan to go somewhere or do something that involves funds, whether it’s going to eat, staying in and cooking, taking a walk (I may get thirsty and want a bottled water or get hot and want an ice cream cone), etc. One guy said “There are an infinite number of things we can do but I don’t have to spend money on you, we can go dutch.” Uhhh, for me, there will NEVER be a date when we’re going dutch. Somebody is getting treated, whether it’s him or myself, but dutch is never an option. A lot of old heads used to say “there’s no romance without finance,” which brings me to my last point. Is there a price on the pussy?
I feel like back in the old days, women valued their bodies more than they do today and made men work for it. Men would go to extreme lengths to get that woman in their bed; dates, cards, candy, car maintenance, etc. Men had to prove why a woman should sleep with them. These days, sex is EVERYWHERE and so super accessible that what one woman won’t do, the next will, for NOTHING. One man in my forum said, “It’s always been free and always will be. Women will fuck you because you look good.” And in a lot of cases, that’s the truth. Another man said, “I will never believe in this statement. In my opinion, it puts higher value on the woman, and no one is higher than me. She’s giving me some I’m giving her some it’s an even exchange.” I don’t know if I personally agree with that one because a man is a natural born hunter and if I’m his prey, he’s going to have to put some work in to get me. One man said, “Indirectly or directly you’re gonna pay.” And I don’t believe that’s necessarily monetary. It could be quality time, some handy work around the household, a carwash or of course, the regular dinner and a movie. Jay-Z said it best in his song, “The Power of the P-U-S-S-Y.” Although sex is way more accessible than it was in the old days, men will still go hard for QUALITY. And let’s not forget how Miguel smoothed it out when he sang “How many drinks will it take you to leave with me.” Essentially, he’s paying as well!
But honestly, putting too many rules on dating makes it stressful and uncomfortable. Do what feels right for you. Ladies if you ask a man out, don’t go on the date with the expectation that he is going to pay, always be prepared because you may end up looking real dumb. Fellows, if you really have a strict rule on not spending ANY money for 90 days, stay single, after a certain age, that mentality is real childish. And lastly, literally speaking there’s no REAL price on the pussy but hey it ain’t tricking if you got it! But as I said before, do what feels right for you, what works for me may not work for you, these are just my thoughts though.
Until next time,
Ya Girl LG